For only $29.90 you too can restore your hymen. No more surgery! Hymen restoring surgery is a popular procedure in the middle-east, but it costs big bucks, and of course there is the medical risk and all.
Now you can just send your money order to Gigimo, a Chinese mail-order company. Yes everything these days is made in China, even your virginity. (Actually it’s made in Japan, but it’s the Chinese who know product demand.) You can have your first night (or day) back anytime, the company advertises.
On the magic night just insert the little pouch. It’ll tighten you up, and when pressure is applied, something like blood will leak out in just the right way. Add some wincing, tense at the pain, and nobody can tell the difference between you and any other virgin. This is an up to the minute product with assured satisfaction, unlike the messy chicken blood method of old. No more honour killings, ladies. All smiles among the manly men.
Of course the conservative mullahs of Egypt aren’t too thrilled about this product. They are agitating to have it banned and anyone caught selling or buying it severely punished in the ways that cultures that sequester women and kill them for acting like real people prefer.
H/T The Galloping Beaver.